If this is you, then perhaps it’s time to give your quotidian life a little je ne sais quois. Something that might give Gavin a thrill. Something that might make Gemma go into labour early. Only they’ll never know, because it’s your little secret.
The key to making every day just a little bit extraordinary is by starting, of course, with your knickers. Fizz up your frillies and the rest will follow.
Wear a sloppy pair of cotton boy shorts and you can expect to slop your way through work, rest and play. Wear a nipple-tickling cut away bra and suspenders and you can expect to sensationalise your way through each appointment from morning smoothies to midnight tickles.
Some people meditate every day to improve their quality of life. Some medicate.
You? Well, you titillate.
So, with these important lessons in mind, tell me now what’s your diary looking like next week?
Tuesday 9.30am: Feel the scalloped edges of your Amelea suspenders glide against each other as your re-cross your legs under the breakfast table and nod diligently at the Associate Director. Re-cross again for an extra thrill.
Wednesday 2pm: Slowly button up your shirt that had opened to reveal a flash of French embroidery snaking around your cleavage to Gavin from IT.
Wednesday 7pm: Unbutton your shirt again so the top of the Gloria is revealed for the delectation of all in the bar.
Thursday 6am: Revel in the smooth caress of Lacy’s soft satin strapping and lace as your raise your behind joyfully into the perfect downward dog.
Saturday 1pm: Sense the rouleaux silk bindings of the Demelza bra criss-crossing tightly against your cleavage, and remind yourself to change into a sheer top once you’ve ditched the toddlers and you’re swiftly on your way to the nearest Dirty Martini.
And that, my dears, is how to make every day extraordinary.