Miss AP's Diary

Miss AP’s Erotic Encounter Awards

Miss AP’s Erotic Encounter Awards

Miss AP’s Erotic Encounter Awards

It’s not as though I’m exactly wanton, but I am what you might call libidinous, and truth be told I have had a generous share of dangerous liaisons in my time. Lovers and flings, trysts and encounters, even one or two one-night-stands – it all adds up to a rather colourful and glittering repertoire.

I don’t like to kiss and tell. Much. I think it would be terribly crude to do a Miss AP’s Lovers Hall of Fame – it’s all a bit Mean Girls for me. It’s much more fun to record exhilarating experiences not by breaking them down into their anatomical parts, but by breaking them down into their most fabulous and memorable components – the room, the bed, the champagne, the toys. So herewith, The Miss AP Erotic Encounter Awards.

Best Ever Hotel Bed
The Post Ranch Hotel, Big Sur
I think they must stuff the mattress with clouds here. The dreamy effect is enhanced by the floor to ceiling glass, allowing spectacular vistas down to the sparkling Pacific Ocean. I discovered that this glass served as a fetching mirror of the bed at night when staying there with two girlfriends, which allowed for a fabulous view of our concupiscent activites.

Best Ever Butler
Taj Lake Palace Hotel, Udaipur, India
What is a night of passion unless you can supplement it with much-needed sustenance at 3am? By the third night the butler Vijay knew to bring my partner and I platters of mango and passion fruit, cakes and cognac without even asking. He somehow had his timing just right every time – perhaps the walls had ears and the mirrors had eyes.

Best Ever Sex Kit
Mr B’s house, Holland Park, London
I always try out the intimacy kits in every decent hotel I visit; it’s a litmus test of a quality establishment for me. The standard contents include some condoms and a pom pom feather, but the better ones include essentials such as silk blindfolds and various vibrating items. But the best one I ever saw was in Mr B’s house in London’s salubrious Holland Park. He had an antique French wardrobe that opened to reveal everything from a mini Champagne fridge to a fold-away St. Andre’s cross. The very epitome of good kit.

Best Ever Optional Extra
The Tudor Barn, Sussex
I wasn’t aware, when I booked a romantic weekend away for my boyfriend and I, that the Tudor barn we were staying in was equipped not only with one of the most salubrious four poster beds I have ever had the pleasure of being ravished on, but also an enormous old wardrobe stuffed with Tudor fancy dress. I doubt if Ann Boleyn has ever had her name invoked in that way before or since.

Best Ever Bathtub
Le Royal Monceau Raffles Paris
I wound up here one night during Paris Fashion Week after a few too many Kir Royales at the Hotel Costes. I was obviously feeling rather narcissistic after a day of being chased by street style photographers, including the one I was there with, so I revelled taking a post-coital bath in the bathroom which was decorated with floor-to-ceiling mirrors. I didn’t ask why a street style photographer was able to afford to stay the week in the Katara presidential suite during PFW: one never asks these things, one just enjoys them.