Miss AP's Diary
Sexual Styles of the Zodiac
This week I have mainly been gazing into my crystal ball. And I can tell you, it’s a minefield. Once you start getting into the intricacies of zodiacs and horoscopes, star gazing and moonraking, you can pretty easily fall into a vortex out of which it is difficult to climb.
But I made it back, and I’m now filled with a deep knowledge of star signs and what it means for you and your knickers.
I’m not joking.
*Note: The below are all taken from zodiac websites of varying levels of repute. Some names have been changed to protect the identities of the star signs.
Seduction style: ‘Leos put lovemaking on the map’
Colourscope tip: ‘Leos will also have a penchant for all that is bright and regal especially colours like red and gold.’
Miss AP’s Tip: If you really like gold as much as the stars say you do, Leo, then you should never consider wearing anything else but the Astra set around the house. And nothing but a pair of golden handcuffs to bed.
Seduction style: ‘A perfect date for a Virgo would be a Buddhist retreat.’
Colourscope Tip: ‘Wear your shade of green every Wednesday’
Miss AP’s Tip: Virgos seem to get a bad rap for being finicky, reserved and choosy. Virgos, make the most of this trait and choose only the finest silks, and show them only to the very finest lovers. Wear hot pink on a Friday.
Seduction style: ‘Slow, sophisticated and seductive, she makes love both emotionally and physically, with an emphasis on quality over quantity.’
Colourscope tip: ‘Black is a favourite with all the Librans as it is in this sign that Saturn gets exalted and manifests some of its best qualities.’
Miss AP’s tip: Forget Saturn, just wear black lingerie because it makes you feel hot. Leather, lace, silk or strappy – make sure you have plenty of it because you’re likely to get through it at a rate of knots.
Seduction style: ‘Scorpios ooze sexual excitement and require a partner who can keep up with their marvelous capacity for taking everything to the limit and far beyond.
Colourscope tip: ‘Scarlet colours very well capture the mystic sensibilities of the Scorpio.’
Miss AP’s Tip: Last time I checked there was nothing mystic about a Scorpio in scarlet, just a whole load of broken hearts and broken bedposts. Wear red to wear out the bed.
Seduction style: Sagittarians hate to be tied down.
Colourscope tip: Sagittarians are turned on by yellow colours.
Miss AP’s Tip: Sounds to me like Sagittarius could do with a good old cat o’ nine tails in her life. A few long nights at the mercy of its leather lashes and she may not find the colour yellow such a turn on anymore.
Seduction style: ‘Contrary to her cool demeanor she is remarkably playful in bed, and will prefer ‘fun’ sex to the heavy or serious.’
Colourscope tip: ‘Red though very rarely worn and appreciated can at times add that rare expressive and explosive streak to a straight-laced Capricorn.’
Miss AP’s Tip: Red pasties + red seam stockings + Harlequin eye mask = ‘fun’ and ‘explosive’ Capricorn-style sex.
Seduction style: ‘Aquarians tend to be very uninhibited lovers, rarely having much concern for the normal or expected.’
Colourscope tip: ‘Violets and other psychedelic colours appeal to them, they also like all electric shades and colours that change with light.’
Miss AP’s tip: So Aquarians are kinky, are they? Clearly only a crotchless pair of panties in an electric shade of pink will do. Try Megan.
Seduction style: ‘Often described as the zodiac’s sexiest women, Pisces are ultra-feminine and always favour the subtle over the direct.’
Colourscope tip: White is Pisces’ all-time favourite – any thing too bold will jar the sensibilities of the evolved Piscean.’
Miss AP’s tip: Well, Pisces, if you really are as ravishing as they say, then all you really need is a pair of white pom pom mules dangling from your delicate feet to get the ball rolling.
Seduction style: ‘Aries women burn n=hot and have a weakness for uniforms’
Colourscope tip: ‘Arians should avoid black as it is a colour that does not harmonise with the planetary indications and Mars and Saturn are sworn enemies.’
Miss AP’s tip: Wear red to stop the world in its tracks. The bullet playsuit has Aries written all over it in golden studs.
Seduction style: ‘Taurus is the most sensual of all the signs – her relative shyness for experimenting in the bedroom also makes it that much more fun to try and corrupt her a little.’
Colourscope tip: ‘Wear pink every Friday’
Miss AP’s tip: Throw the hot pink Lacy kimono on over your knickers for a look that is ripe for corruption.
Seduction style: Role play, dress-up, outdoors – this woman is all kinds of kinky and likes to use her imagination.’
Colourscope tip: Green will enhance your creativity and sense of adventure.
Miss AP’s tip: Wrap yourself up in the luscious silken folds of the Molly set to let your green goddess run wild.
Seduction style: ‘In line with her constantly shifting moods, sex can be highly variable and dynamic.’
Colourscope tip: Blue, white and sea green keep sensitive Cancerians at their best.
Miss AP’s tip: Add some sparkle to your sensitivity with the Swarovski-sprinkled Czarinah.