Miss AP's Diary
Miss AP – The Beginner’s Guide to Throwing Shapes
Last weekend while browsing in my local junk shop I came across a mint condition vinyl copy of Saga’s 1989 album ‘The Beginner’s Guide to Throwing Shapes’. It was a little before my time and if I’m honest it’s not entirely my bag (bit heavy on the electric guitar for my tastes), but it really made me think that the track list is a perfect lesson in how to approach your underwear.
After all, the right underwear is all about shape: conjuring up curves for those who don’t have them, and contouring and refining for those who do.
Here’s Saga’s track list, redefined as your new underwear rules.
1. “How Do I Look”
Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Get it all out. No filters, no Facetune: just you in all your naked glory. Look at your best bits: your boobs, your legs, your hips, your bum, your waist. That’s what you’re going to highlight with your choice of underwear.
2. “Starting All Over”
Go to your knicker drawer and remove all those flaccid cotton briefs that do nothing for your body. Seek out all the slightly-too-tight thongs that garrot your skin and leave red welts when you wear them under your skinny jeans. Trash the ill-fitting bras and dump that cheap corset that never fit you right. Now you’re ready to start all over.
Now it’s time to shape, baby.
If your legs need a little lengthening….
Wear knickers that are cut high and can be extended to be worn above the hips – the Margot, Sandra and Tina all do the trick nicely. Pair them with suspenders and stockings (choose a size up to wear them higher on the thighs) and boom, legs 11 are yours.
If your waist could do with a little pinching….
A Waspie is one of the sexiest items a woman can have in her armament. The Delilah has a cage effect that shrinks the waist and it features boning inbuilt on either side to really whittle you in.
If your ass is your best asset….
(or even if it isn’t)
Then go for the boldest bum-less panties you can find. The Cendrillon has never let an ass down, big or small or long or high. The Iyla big brief just begs for a spanking, while the Karen Ouvert lets your cheeks do all the talking.
4. “As I Am”
Now you’re ready to be taken as you are, and exactly as you should be.