Miss AP's Diary

The Poolside Poser #101

The Poolside Poser #101

As the words of the great Jazzy Jeff, ‘Summer, summer summertime, time to kick back and unwind.’
The evenings and legs are longer, the diaries and gyms are fuller, the holidays and hangovers are closer. Shortly we will begin the mass exodus to warmer climes where we will splash around in turquoise waters with all the unmitigated vigour of a Kardashian in a photo booth, and throw back luridly coloured rum cocktails like the world’s sugar cane crop is on the brink of extinction.

As is customary, I’ll kick off the summer with the annual pilgrimage to Ibiza, where I’ll be reunited with friends who have been dieting competitively for months (I hear this year it’s some fad called kale), and who have been corresponding on every possible social media channel about what swimsuit they’ll be wearing for the yacht party. (I never used to engage with this until one year it backfired on me spectacularly, so now I fan the fire with insider pics from behind the scenes at AP, with #backoffbitches captions beside the swimsuits I want).

Once we arrive and triumphantly disrobe, the girls quickly fall into one of several poolside categories that I believe are replicated the world over, from Alicante to Ipanema.

The types:

The Exhibitionist
To be honest, this is usually me.
What I’m drinking: depends what time of day it is. White sangria during the day, lime daiquiri at sundown, champagne at all other times.
What I’m reading: Anaïs Nin again – nothing like a stirring of passion to get the holiday off on a sweet note.
What I’m wearing: The Shelby, with huge mirrored sunglasses by Agent Provocateur by Linda Farrow and a billowing wisp of see-through kaftan to cover-up (eventually).

The Coquette
Ultra-feminine with a laugh that tinkles like champagne, she’s the one with her perfectly-pedicured feet dangling in the pool – but she daren’t go in lest her hairstyle be ruined.
What she’s drinking: A French 75
What she’s reading: Nabakov’s Lolita, bien sur.
What she’s wearing: The Lyssandra in juicy raspberry and a towering pair of gingham wedges.

The Yoga Bunny
She’s slinking around glowing with açai and intimidating every other girl with her zen countenance and wrought iron limbs.
What she’s drinking: Green juice with a shot of Mezcal
What she’s reading: The Unbearable Lightness of Being
What she’s wearing: The Berry, because it’s the smallest amount of fabric that will show off her contours but still give enough coverage when she’s downward dogging at the shallow end.

The Girl on Tour
Girls just wanna have fun – this week is her one holiday of the year and she’s damn sure gonna make it count.
What she’s drinking: Piña Coladas
What she’s reading: Grazia
What she’s wearing: The Lexxi bikini in electric blue – only the bottoms though. She’s got cucumber slices to cover her nipples.

Posted May 26, 2014